What are you doing?

The outspread of COVID 19 virus has been nothing but a traumatic experience for everyone. The frontline warriors trying to get it to stop, the people locked at home, and some people being bashed with sticks and humiliated because of their inability to stay at home and enjoy the once in a lifetime experience to stay home with family. 

I have also seen people who are now going out for morning walks or late night walks, trying out new skills and surprisingly some people have aced it. Also seen and heard of people who had been lost for a while and needed a break from the world, they rejoice every moment spent at home/alone. People who are in different cities are wishing that they could be back to their family and quarantine together because well, they know once it reopens, they will be stuck in the same routine of office home office and the family will again have to take a back seat.

I have been trying to find out what I am good at, I tried cooking, drawing, sketching, whipping dalgona coffee, household chores,  folding clothes (yes... For a change, my cupboard is in a state where if I open it the clothes will not fall down.), and many more have been, executed. The result you ask? Eh, I don't really know yet, hey come on, there is still time left for the lockdown to be lifted. 

So, here is what I have learned and experienced, it is okay to not know what you are good at. You should try and take out more time for yourself once this is over because the person who needs you the most is you. We try and be there for everyone by keeping ourself behind and in the end, we make others happy but are left a little unhappy. Please remember, you cannot pour anything from an empty vessel. 

To give a little light on how I m keeping myself happy apart from trying out new skillsets, I have been a reiki practitioner and was postponing my 21-day full-body healing for a long time, like a ton as I heard that lockdown 1.0 was for 21 days, I sprung to action and along with my family, started the full course, and oh boy! was it the best decision. After 21 days, when lockdown 2.0 began I was again wondering what to do and how to be productive now, this time it took me a while but I started to try and develop a new and healthy habit. I have started performing basic yoga and Surya namaskar in the morning, now for the people who already do it, it might be nothing or a usual thing, but for me, it is a challenge to get up, get out of the bed and actually do something. All thanks to my mother who is supporting and accompanying me in this good deed to myself. Well, that's not all, so my uncle who happens to be a fitness enthusiast has lost himself in his day to day life.we are on very good terms and more like friends I know he desperately needed a push to be back to his healthy self. I became that push, as soon as I started with my developing a healthy lifestyle schedule, one step at a time, of course, I challenged him for the some, all he said was, Challenge accepted. 

So, people, you might be going through a tough time right now. But be assured you needed this break and once you go back to your normal life, make sure to value people more than things, make time for yourself and family, and the most important thing, if you have started a healthy habit, continue it. I am going to try my best to continue what I have started and made the most out of it. But for now, I rest my case with a question for you, how are you spending your Lockdown/ quarantine? Answer in the comment section so you can inspire others, even if it is just the usual stuff you do. It matters.

P.s. thank you for showing a positive response to my previous post. If you haven't read it yet, go ahead and give it a read. Keep supporting.

A fresh start?

It's been a while since I have posted something, actually more than a year. 

Since after my last post, many things changed in my life. I left my job, I stopped writing,  joined a business, now looking for a job, lost complete health and fitness, in short, this is where my slope is headed, and for now, I don't even know how worse is it going to get. 

This post is a gloomy one. Read with caution. 

Going back to the second month of 2019,

All was going well. I started to plan for my holiday vacations and how I would go about it, getting tickets done, everything was on point, Feb passed quite smoothly, my health was at its best, was reaching my weight loss goals and everything was great.  Moving on to March as I came home for Holi, I got to know that how my father has been overthinking about everything and has been feeling a bit lonely, and once he had to be rushed to the hospital too. It was a false alarm but the fact that such a situation came, was heartbreaking. 

So as soon as I went back, after a few days, I put down my resignation papers, it was a two months notice period and I had the worst pain in my gut the day I sent the resignation email, I had everything and soon I was going to be back to square one. 

Nevertheless, the day came when I actually packed up my stuff and left Goa, promising myself to visit Goa every year for a week on my solo trip. Anyways, so fast-forward to June 2020, I joined the business, meet the team there and start out with my routine. It all started great, I mean a team that works, growing opportunities in the industry, what else could I ask for. Oh and also a good pay package for me.

It did not take me long to realise that we had the wrong people on board and the business was going backwards instead of moving positively, but what could I do apart from telling the authorities about it, after all, I was just a person sitting there to pass on orders passed down to me. Soon after, I had to do the toughest work of letting people go, well I did it with a rock on my heart. Did it save the business? I don't know but it definitely slowed down the reverse movement. 

I started becoming a house for depression, couldn't express to anyone, couldn't show it to the world but every day it was difficult for me to get up, my bed became my comfort zone and moving out meant fighting a battle against the world every moment. I would have many sleepless nights, crying at nights and other unmentionable thoughts started creeping in, and I couldn't see my life getting any better. Meanwhile, it was time for my brother's wedding so I got occupied with shopping and everything, then the wedding perps and this went on for a while. 

Post everything, in January, I decided enough is enough and started applying for jobs. Everywhere and anywhere possible. People were impressed by my cv and interviews but wouldn't want me to work with them because of my lack of continuity in my jobs and so never got selected. But with an ungiving attitude, I still apply every day, 99% times I don't even get a response from the company but I still try every day. 

Fast-forward to a few days back. I got a call from a very dear cousin, who wanted to start with her own blog. After telling her about it, she asked me something I should have asked myself, but completely forgot, "why don't you write anymore, Ghazal?"

I couldn't say a word, I had nothing to say. The question pushed me back in a moment where I was writing and feeling happy about people reading my words, but it got wiped from my memory, perhaps because of the changes I had undergone. But then I realised I was silent for way too long and I had to say something. So I just promised her that I would write. 

I didn't.

Just a couple of days back. I got a call from her again, she writes awesome stuff, and I was trying to deviate the topic of why am I not writing at any cost, talking about random stuff. But to my horror, that question came up. This time, I could reply but I knew I should be replying with a proper answer to my own self too because otherwise, I wouldn't be dreading the question in the first place. 

All in all, she soothed me down and said it is ok if no one reads or if you don't want anyone to read, write and save it as a draft, but don't stop writing. This time I actually made a promise to her and me, so here I'm completing the promise, I am writing. Before writing this, I laid down for two hours straight trying to calm myself down, having anxiety attacks, I mean what's the most that can happen when I publish this post, people would actually read it?? Isn't that the reason why I started writing in the first place? I guess so. 

So people, thank you for believing in me and here I am, once again trying to start Ghazal kaa safar.

 P.s. written on my phone, the possibility of 100s of grammatical errors. Kindly ignore. 

A window to 2018- Safar from Ahmedabad to Goa

Papaaaa... I took the job that I applied for, in Goa. Have to shift this month itself. As I said this, had a lump in my throat, but the excitement overtook.

Then started, me calling all my family and friends, giving them the news, never heard people be so happy, well it was a great opportunity and everything moving in a fast pace, realizing that maybe this is the last time I will be in Ahmedabad and say that I have a home here. some friends were really sad as we will be seeing each other a lot lesser now. maybe not for another few years or until one of us is getting married. So finally the day came, everything packed and ready to move. No idea of how will I be able to survive here, all alone, new city, unknown people, and to top it all, it was my first time living alone.

'First few days went by very fast until mom and dad left for Ahmedabad and now I was on my own. Did not know how to pass time, I don't like watching Tv and so would be mostly on the phone trying to find signals so I can talk to people or watch videos on youtube, but one does not get it all until they finally do. I found my place of solace, at this beach just a few minutes away from my place, I started to visit it often. one of my favorite places. Just going there standing with feet in the water, not talking to anyone, trying to get calm and feel the soft water touching my feet and the cool breeze as it slowly flows through my hair and between my fingers. 

Staying alone I learned how I will have to be strong everytime I needed something and there was no one to help. From changing bulbs to buying groceries, getting everything right was my job now. This indeed started as excitement and shifted to being thrilling journey, but here I am, all settled, all chilled, yes I do still need my mum to tell me how to do stuff, but I have learned so much, every day is a new challenge,  so earlier it was a task for me to eat alone, now it has become a habit, even though I can have a company for at least one meal a day, I choose to go home and eat out alone.

2018 was a great year, I took myself to eat out alone for the first time, got to shop from my own money (yayyyy), started taking challenges in the best form possible. All this but still I haven't been able to take myself out for movies yet, I'm still trying yes. just like today, I went to the multiplex but could not go ahead and buy the ticket, well one new thing at a time.  One day know I surely will do it, just not today, oh, and also I have learned to cook some superb dishes, ah, big time achievement. 

So have you had that experience of taking yourself out for movies/dinner or somewhere else? let me know your story in the comments and share this post with your friends. Don't forget to click on the ads. Thanks :* 

Taken for granted

It stood there, silently watching over its passers-by, ignored by most, recognized by very few, actualized by none.

It has seen perhaps seasons more than the days in a year. Perhaps it has seen happiness and sorrows, all through the eyes of others and self, going unnoticed yet being there. It must have been a father for it always kept silent shade for the people passing through that road.  gone through roughest of weathers and kept the children safe from sun and rain. Not expecting anything in return knowing that as the weather clears up, the children will go away. The Birds who kept their nest in that tree, like daughters in the house, too leave, one day leaving an empty nest, an empty house behind.

The tree gave its everything to the family, the people, it gave fruits, shade, wood, that the family used peacefully to make a furniture in their respective homes. I wonder how the ending for that tree would have been different if some fool, instead of taking the tree as a potential for product, actually like the traditions in India, had made a small place just near the roots to pray for the respective god, or in this case a room for the old father who gave his all for the kids who took everything and left for good.

This particular tree stands tall on the way from Hanuman camp to riverfront Ahmedabad.  With roots so deep that it still stands strong, representing the father in every family, providing oxygen, invariably reducing the pollution, like a father would try to remove the hurdles from his child's life. All said and done, being left alone every single time, when the policemen find a new criminal, a car sees a green signal, visitors to the Hanuman Camp move towards the temple,  the school kids now prefer the fruits brought from the market rather than picking up from the roots of the trees.

To end, I ask a question when was the last time you, my dear readers, watered the roots of the tree?
We are too busy expanding our roots, that we forget about the tree because of which you have grown so strong.

This was a trial to write with a new aspect. I look forward to your views and comments.
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The Break

She has a high fever just like the other week. we give her some medicines, as every household in India is a doctor in itself, we know way too much than we should.

The coming day she again had a fever which was causing ever her bones to ache. I requested her to go visit a doctor with me, oh how stubborn she is, she doesn't agree, I try to explain how important it is to show to the doctor, but she said I'm too weak to even get up. if it doesn't get better by tomorrow we will surely go. okay. keeping in mind the fact that my house is on the third floor it was difficult to make her walk even to the elevator. the next day she felt a percent better and early morning we took her to the hospital where she was prescribed with some tests. As per the report she was OK, nothing much was wrong, so we take the prescribed medicines and come back home. 

The same afternoon, the medicines are of no help and the fever persists. as she complains of fever I immediately took her to the nearest hospital and again she undergoes certain blood tests which showed that she had dengue. which justifies the reason for continuous high fever. 

next moment we know, she is admitted to the ICU with IV drips running down in her veins and she constantly saying that I do not want to be in the hospital, take me home. do not get me admitted. we stay with her for a while and then come back wondering when did the mosquito bite her.  A few months back only, she underwent angioplasty which took her some time to get back to her healthy and active self.

Meanwhile, I too was busy taking care of her which lead to being away from the internet for a while. By God's grace now she is doing quite well. meanwhile, I wondered if any of the people receiving my blog link had visited or read any of my posts. To my surprise, had I been an eCommerce or any other company whats app message that promises money if we forward, my link would have been famous, but alas I am a person whom they know personally and their action could actually lead to a small-time success.

The truth of these days. We would blindly support someone we don't know, and in the case of a known one or a friend, we would be very passive. To all the small time or freelancing people reading this. who have gone through the same, If nothing else, I would go ahead and read your blog or visit you post, I required I will comment, because I know how does it feel when the numbers in your WhatsApp list, the friends on facebook and other contacts are of no use simply because they are too busy to give you one minute of their time. 

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Leave a comment if you have ever felt the same.

World is not as bad as we think

It's all about what impact you leave on others mind and heart.

Social video making apps are on a hype nowadays as it gives a platform to anyone who wishes to be famous for acting, singing, dancing, lip-syncing or for posting most random acts. Scrolling through one of those I see many posts where the people have performed, all kinds of people, from rich to poor, any language, able, specially abled, survivors (warriors) of  acid attack and some more people with some kind of facial characteristics which would make them a topic of conversation if they were to go to a market or to a gathering where they had people  more than their closed ones.

It is very obvious that when anyone who has a characteristic which becomes an identification factor for them, like oh see The Fat Kid, or that fair one, the dark-skinned, the one with the scars, the one who limps, the bald one, the one with only one arm, the one who is  boney.  No matter how much one would be a great person, a performer or just great altogether, they are still judged on the basis of looks, identified in the manner. 

I went to the comment section of a few people who could be easily identified as one of the above mentioned. What did I expect? What do you expect to read in comments? Isn't it obvious that we expect the people like the society to be commenting upon the looks, I expected the same. As per my expectations, there were comments, rude and shaming the person. I felt a sense of anger, just wanting to bash the commenter, Freedom of speech is it? Humiliating a person based on their looks, but what shoo the floor beneath my feet was the number of people who already had bashed the commentator with hundreds of positive words for the performer. if I was to give an exact figure, on a post there were 378 comments out of which 8 were of people loading the performers with negative words, whereas rest 370 were just people spreading positivity in that one person and everyone's life.

This made me realize how wrong do I perceive the people to be. There are 10% of people who have wrong intentions, that's where we focus, totally ignoring another 90% of people who have a fair and good intention.  Yet we expect wrongs more than we expect the right things to happen. There are still people who see beyond the looks and they are the ones who make me believe that The world is not as bad as we think.

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Do let me know in the comments about your experience where you expected just the opposite of what the reality was.

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Curbing The Cravings

I want to eat Chocolates, Jalebi, Samose, Aalu Paratha, Cheese Maggi, Gulab Jamun, noodles and everything, all together.  We all feel like this at some time or the other.

Starting as a craving, the tongue reacting to the food starts to rule us.  We don't even realize that our tongue, an organ in our body responsible to salivate and keep the mouth wet and realize the taste,  can lead us to such a dead end or a wonderful start, create havoc or get the situations better. It rules us, be it for our speech, our stomach, our taste, or our Cravings.   

How do I differentiate between hunger and cravings?

Hunger

• It comes on gradually
• Hunger is felt in your stomach
• Any food will be okay
• hunger is easy to satisfy

Craving

• It hits suddenly
• It is a mental desire
• Specific food wanted
• It is hard to satisfy

Most often we mistake cravings to be hunger and the results become difficult to accept.

So what do we do? What do I do when I crave at different and weird times?

I follow the rule of two

I start by drinking at least  two big gulps of water,

Give myself two minutes to realize,

Then decide either of the two conditions

Condition 1- I am thirsty and so my mind was playing games with me so that I load up with something.

Condition 2- I am actually hungry and so started craving for something.

Pay attention to how your body reacts to your actions.

It is okay to eat a small block of chocolate if you have tried to avoid the same but haven't been able to, but make sure that you do not end up eating the entire packet or more than what you should. When the mind and the tongue mix well, the stomach gets loaded. Do not give in to your mind playing games.  Keep a count of what you eat. Switch to healthier alternatives. We all need to eat, if we do it by tricking our mind that we are eating what the tongue has ordered and eating healthy at the same time, it would be great.

I'm no Diet expert to comment on what you can substitute with which item, also everyone has a different body and its varied mechanism, so I could just share about what I do. Earlier I used to live to eat. Now I made a small change by eating healthy to live healthily. Yes, I do accept the fact that I have done all sort of binge and emotional and boredom and craving eatings, after trying out all the type of rash eating behavior I realized I was always hungry for more food. Having hunger swings like I have never had food. Going to the restaurant and ordering for two plates instead of one just to be sure that I don’t have to wait for another. I had a slow digestion which meant my stomach would still feel empty even after I had eaten, which resulted in me eating extra, also my tongue always kept wanting more of taste. To give it the taste I ate more and more.

These days I do try and curb my cravings, I trick my tongue. When I crave for sweets I eat a bite, very small yet enough to give taste to my tongue. I don’t do that every time, only once a week.
 I have taken a step to not give in to temptations. Have you?

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