What are you doing?

The outspread of COVID 19 virus has been nothing but a traumatic experience for everyone. The frontline warriors trying to get it to stop, the people locked at home, and some people being bashed with sticks and humiliated because of their inability to stay at home and enjoy the once in a lifetime experience to stay home with family. 

I have also seen people who are now going out for morning walks or late night walks, trying out new skills and surprisingly some people have aced it. Also seen and heard of people who had been lost for a while and needed a break from the world, they rejoice every moment spent at home/alone. People who are in different cities are wishing that they could be back to their family and quarantine together because well, they know once it reopens, they will be stuck in the same routine of office home office and the family will again have to take a back seat.

I have been trying to find out what I am good at, I tried cooking, drawing, sketching, whipping dalgona coffee, household chores,  folding clothes (yes... For a change, my cupboard is in a state where if I open it the clothes will not fall down.), and many more have been, executed. The result you ask? Eh, I don't really know yet, hey come on, there is still time left for the lockdown to be lifted. 

So, here is what I have learned and experienced, it is okay to not know what you are good at. You should try and take out more time for yourself once this is over because the person who needs you the most is you. We try and be there for everyone by keeping ourself behind and in the end, we make others happy but are left a little unhappy. Please remember, you cannot pour anything from an empty vessel. 

To give a little light on how I m keeping myself happy apart from trying out new skillsets, I have been a reiki practitioner and was postponing my 21-day full-body healing for a long time, like a ton as I heard that lockdown 1.0 was for 21 days, I sprung to action and along with my family, started the full course, and oh boy! was it the best decision. After 21 days, when lockdown 2.0 began I was again wondering what to do and how to be productive now, this time it took me a while but I started to try and develop a new and healthy habit. I have started performing basic yoga and Surya namaskar in the morning, now for the people who already do it, it might be nothing or a usual thing, but for me, it is a challenge to get up, get out of the bed and actually do something. All thanks to my mother who is supporting and accompanying me in this good deed to myself. Well, that's not all, so my uncle who happens to be a fitness enthusiast has lost himself in his day to day life.we are on very good terms and more like friends I know he desperately needed a push to be back to his healthy self. I became that push, as soon as I started with my developing a healthy lifestyle schedule, one step at a time, of course, I challenged him for the some, all he said was, Challenge accepted. 

So, people, you might be going through a tough time right now. But be assured you needed this break and once you go back to your normal life, make sure to value people more than things, make time for yourself and family, and the most important thing, if you have started a healthy habit, continue it. I am going to try my best to continue what I have started and made the most out of it. But for now, I rest my case with a question for you, how are you spending your Lockdown/ quarantine? Answer in the comment section so you can inspire others, even if it is just the usual stuff you do. It matters.

P.s. thank you for showing a positive response to my previous post. If you haven't read it yet, go ahead and give it a read. Keep supporting.

A fresh start?

It's been a while since I have posted something, actually more than a year. 

Since after my last post, many things changed in my life. I left my job, I stopped writing,  joined a business, now looking for a job, lost complete health and fitness, in short, this is where my slope is headed, and for now, I don't even know how worse is it going to get. 

This post is a gloomy one. Read with caution. 

Going back to the second month of 2019,

All was going well. I started to plan for my holiday vacations and how I would go about it, getting tickets done, everything was on point, Feb passed quite smoothly, my health was at its best, was reaching my weight loss goals and everything was great.  Moving on to March as I came home for Holi, I got to know that how my father has been overthinking about everything and has been feeling a bit lonely, and once he had to be rushed to the hospital too. It was a false alarm but the fact that such a situation came, was heartbreaking. 

So as soon as I went back, after a few days, I put down my resignation papers, it was a two months notice period and I had the worst pain in my gut the day I sent the resignation email, I had everything and soon I was going to be back to square one. 

Nevertheless, the day came when I actually packed up my stuff and left Goa, promising myself to visit Goa every year for a week on my solo trip. Anyways, so fast-forward to June 2020, I joined the business, meet the team there and start out with my routine. It all started great, I mean a team that works, growing opportunities in the industry, what else could I ask for. Oh and also a good pay package for me.

It did not take me long to realise that we had the wrong people on board and the business was going backwards instead of moving positively, but what could I do apart from telling the authorities about it, after all, I was just a person sitting there to pass on orders passed down to me. Soon after, I had to do the toughest work of letting people go, well I did it with a rock on my heart. Did it save the business? I don't know but it definitely slowed down the reverse movement. 

I started becoming a house for depression, couldn't express to anyone, couldn't show it to the world but every day it was difficult for me to get up, my bed became my comfort zone and moving out meant fighting a battle against the world every moment. I would have many sleepless nights, crying at nights and other unmentionable thoughts started creeping in, and I couldn't see my life getting any better. Meanwhile, it was time for my brother's wedding so I got occupied with shopping and everything, then the wedding perps and this went on for a while. 

Post everything, in January, I decided enough is enough and started applying for jobs. Everywhere and anywhere possible. People were impressed by my cv and interviews but wouldn't want me to work with them because of my lack of continuity in my jobs and so never got selected. But with an ungiving attitude, I still apply every day, 99% times I don't even get a response from the company but I still try every day. 

Fast-forward to a few days back. I got a call from a very dear cousin, who wanted to start with her own blog. After telling her about it, she asked me something I should have asked myself, but completely forgot, "why don't you write anymore, Ghazal?"

I couldn't say a word, I had nothing to say. The question pushed me back in a moment where I was writing and feeling happy about people reading my words, but it got wiped from my memory, perhaps because of the changes I had undergone. But then I realised I was silent for way too long and I had to say something. So I just promised her that I would write. 

I didn't.

Just a couple of days back. I got a call from her again, she writes awesome stuff, and I was trying to deviate the topic of why am I not writing at any cost, talking about random stuff. But to my horror, that question came up. This time, I could reply but I knew I should be replying with a proper answer to my own self too because otherwise, I wouldn't be dreading the question in the first place. 

All in all, she soothed me down and said it is ok if no one reads or if you don't want anyone to read, write and save it as a draft, but don't stop writing. This time I actually made a promise to her and me, so here I'm completing the promise, I am writing. Before writing this, I laid down for two hours straight trying to calm myself down, having anxiety attacks, I mean what's the most that can happen when I publish this post, people would actually read it?? Isn't that the reason why I started writing in the first place? I guess so. 

So people, thank you for believing in me and here I am, once again trying to start Ghazal kaa safar.

 P.s. written on my phone, the possibility of 100s of grammatical errors. Kindly ignore.